lovely. :|
yesterday, i went to a party. i kissed this guy i LIKED. i got very drunk. i got home at 3am.
all day, my mum's been having a go at me, "what makes you think you are allowed to go out and get drunk and stumble home when you want?, who made you think it was okay?" ..
i wanted to tell her.....mum you're always rubbing it in my face how skinny you were at my age and how much clubbing you did, and yeah my sister started smoking at 13? and you didnt say anything, if i told you i smoke you would kill me,and yeah she smokes weed too by the way, do you hate her yet or is it my fault aswell, you still love her more than me dont you? andd its not fair how all my cousins are allowed to be normal teenagers and go out all the time, one even got pregnant. i have to sit at home and be mature and get grades that you'll brag to your friends about, i rarely ever go out, yesterday was the first time i went our properly in like 2 months and yet it causes you to throw a hissy fit...just fuck you mum, keep on hating me, because i fucking hate you too.
*sighs* ...oh how i wish i was rebellious, i am the most unrebellious person ever, i think something is wrong with me, i'm too nice. i am actually contemplating saying sorry to my mum, not because i really am sorry, but because i hate negative energy in the house, i just want everyone to be happy and get along
-oh god- someone shoot me :[
i ate lots all day. and i didnt purge. the hunger monster is back, ive not slept yet and i'm looking forward to breakfast, i will eat lots. i will eat my anger away.
i'm sure your mum is just worried sick about you and is looking out for you...anger is usually an expression of anxiety or relief.
ReplyDeletestay strong xx
Oh, hun, I would apologize. You know this life happens really fast and you don't want to be sorry you missed out on anything. These are moments that could be amazing, but you might be missing out on them because of this fight.
ReplyDeleteStay strong and kill that hunger monster!
I understand that sweetie, my mom is so fucking crazy, it's a huge ordeal every time I want to do something that might be fun for me, but my brother gets to go everywhere and do everything and its only a huge ordeal if he doesn't get to go. She always says how much more she connects with him.. how I'm 'beyond help' and she doesn't know where the hell I went wrong. But of course where ever that was it was my choice and my fault and as much as she wishes otherwise there was never anything she could do. Fucking hate my mother. And I'm always the one that says sorry. Always. Don't let your mom awaken the hunger monster, that's just like letting her push you further back in your dreams.. don't let her hurt your dreams like that, don't let her win, use this as inspiration! I hope you win sweetie, I'll be thinking of you <3
ReplyDeleteAw that's rough. What else happened with the boy?! I hope he plans on coming back for more :) and fuck. it's your life, you can get crunk if you want to.
ReplyDeletexo
Victoria
I am sorry for the rows with your mom. I five you some long distant thoughts and hugs. Love ya! And I have missed you
ReplyDeleteits sad that you kissed a boy you fancy but that isnt what turned out being important- because now you feel bad about a fight with your mom! totally stole the glory from the kiss!
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