ok, i am a crappy person who says she'll do something but does not because she's too crappy to even listen to her own voice and she pretends that she's this strong person and she blogs about how amazing she is and everyone beilives here but really they don't know that deep inside she's a giver upper who can never do anything right and thinks she has an eating disorder but she doesn't really because an eating diordered person would talk themselves out of eating a mcflurry. so yeah, maybe i am just a wannarexic, i feel bad about that. i can never do anything right. like OH MY FUCKING GRACIOUS!!!!!!!
breeaathe!
hi guys, thanx for all your support, it really does keep me going.
i know this because i forget to blog one day and the above happens. well i didn't forget, i was just too lazy. my computer's in the living room and i don't have a laptop, so everytime i want to blog, i have to wait for when my mum's out of the room bcoz she's so bloody nosy :/ ugh
anyways i will be gettin a laptop soon, so yyaaaayy!!!
:D
but yeah, so anyways, yesterday was an okay day. i kept under 300 cals with solids but i sorta caved in last minute and had a piece of toast and some juice. i felt like such a failiure that i didn't even feel like doing my nightly ecercise. i woke up intending to do a water fast to make up for yesterday but decided against that...don't ask me why...i guess the fat person inside me took over.i had a bowl of conflakes :( i went out shoppin (to my disapointment, still the same size), i could have avoided mcds, but nope. nt me. i had a mcflurry because it was hot..what a rubbish excuse. i talked myself out of buying anything else though.
not good enough
i came home and took some laxatives. i dunno why, lol
now i'm bloated, depressed and i feel like fucking cying
fuck, i'm such a loser
sorry guys
now i don't even know what to do next!
shall i restart the abc?
goosh, i was doin so well.
tomorrow, i'm water fastin and monday is abc agen.
i won't give up that easily
i refuse to fall into a week of depression and bingeing
thanx for listening :|
Honestly, I think the abc is a bad idea...every single person who blogs about the abc diet always ends up bingeing because it's too much of a shock to your system and your brain gets all crazylike and the person ends up ravaging for every morsel of food that's within their grasp AND THEN they feel like this epic failure and get uber depressed and....yeah, so I think it's a bad idea. I hate to read you all hating yourself and talking about how you are this "failure" and such because you aren't, the ABC is just a ridiculous diet and only super thin girls can complete it because their bodies don't require as many calories to sustain itself. So I think you should try something not sooo Xtreme.
ReplyDeleteJust my opinion feel free to take it or leave it, of course, whatever makes you happy and feel good about yourself.
And as far as the whole anorexic/wannarexic thing goes-it's just a damn label. I guess you can fall or fit yourself into whatever catagory under whatever label but you just are who you are. And bottom line is we've all got issues with our weight and it's how we choose to deal with it that has brought up to this blogmunity. So basically, it doesn't matter what they may or may not label you, you are unhappy with your weight and thus want to fix it. You've got a goal that you are trying to attain and every step you take, takes you one way or the other. Step in the right direction it will take you closer to your goal, step left-further from it. SO just try and take more steps right and less steps left. When you recognize you are going left-catch yourself, stop before you get any further.
Be a winner because that's who you are. When we are not true to ourselves more often times then not we become unhappy. So be true to yourself and STOP bringing YOURSELF DOWN!!
I, for one, read your blog because I like you and because we have a common goal. Not because of anything else, I just want you to succeed (in whatever you choose) and be happy!
Sorry for the book. (freewrite)
XO
Oh dear you're not a wannarexic and you are not a failure! Everyone binges, it's just something that happens, and it sucks because you feel like a piece of shit, but just remember tomorrows a new day! A new day to start over, forget about binges, forget about it all and just start all over. Do the abc, do a fast, do anything because anything you do you'll be able to do. It doesn't matter how long it takes, just as long as you never give up. Don't worry about the past, all you can do is move on and strive to do even better than you ever did. Binges make you stronger, you figure out that you never want to feel the post-binge depression again so you try harder. I promise it'll be okay, you'll do it, we've all seen you do amazing and you'll just be more amazing in the future. You ARE strong, no doubt about it. We wouldn't be human if we never made mistakes. Don't worry, it'll be okay.
ReplyDeletexoxo
fuck the ABC - sorry your having a hard time.
ReplyDeletex
Dont worry,i binged last night too and i feel like complete shit. You are not a failure, everybody binges. Just think of tomorrow as a new day and to think ahead and not back because you will just start duelling on your binge which will lead you to binge again. Think of how thin you are going to be, and you have come so far already.
ReplyDeleteAnd you only had a mcflury at mcd's, that could of been way way worse. And the fact that you talked yourself out of it shows that you do have control. As for ABC it is so difficult and some would say unachievable, i only know one person who has completed it and she didnt stick to it completely.
You are strong, and you will be thin. This is a minor set back, get back into the right frame of mind for tomorrow. I find looking at thinspo, reading over blogs and listening to thinspo music usually helps.
I hope you feel better tomorrow babe:), and have a good rest of the weekend. Stop worrying!
Lexy xx
i'm only now emerging from my food coma. i feel your pain but i'm here 120% to support you as you get back on track! you can totally do this! DO NOT GIVE UP! you're too awesome and wonderful and gorgeous to do that!
ReplyDeletehonestly you are doing great!! you should not be soo hard on yourself!! we all care for you and are here for you!!=]
ReplyDeleteI don't like the term wannarexic because its bull shit. In my opinion I never wanted to be anorexic/bulimic. I have an ED and that is the bitter truth. When girls say "I want to be anorexic" I say. UH.. no you don't!! Do you even understand what you're saying?
ReplyDeleteI agree with flush. The ABC is basically just restriction. If your body isn't used to restricting like that all the time then you will most likely binge. I usually just try to stay under 800-1000 and slowly restrict after i get that under control. But if the ABC helps you then go for it. But don't be too hard on yourself
the laxatives will wear off. Drink lots of water though to help flush/replenish your system!
feel better
I agree with flushed... abc is ridiculous and only seems to depress people and makes you feel worse than you do already. thank you for the comment... super sweet of you. i just hate needing people more than they need me so i'd rather not post anything and not be disappointed everyday. it.'s rainy season now so picnics are dwindelling, plus my picnic friends on campus have vanished so the library is my refuge, or i go chat to people at church cuz its close by. anyway, it's a long comment, i'm sorry. go have a picnic with a really pretty teapot and surrounded by daisies and you'll feel better :) much love
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, we love you!!! None of us are perfect and we all slip. The trick is never ever giving up, because only when you give up do you accept defeat. and you ARE NOT defeated. You are a WINNER, a soldier fighting a battle. it's not about the day-to-day, it's about the overall progress.
ReplyDeleteDon't do the ABC, it's just too long and there is really no way to complete it because something will come up in 50 days and "ruin" it. Just work on eating less and less. don't stop eating really, just eat a lot less. Check out mi blog, i'm outlining a new plan that may help.
Don't stop writing, don't stop fighting, focus on winning and you will be thinning.
Scarlet<3
PS: All pro-anas are technically "Wannarexics" cause we like our EDs. we want them. I honestly think the term is completely given a bad rap. but when you think about it, it doesn't meann wat ppl think. You're no fony, stay strong.