i dont know why, sometimes i just randomly feel like total shit! as i type, i'm on the verge of crying. i dont understand, yesterday i was praising myself for how good i was doing but right now it seems like i am a shit. i broke a fast yesterday and boxing day wassn't the best day i've had, but i didnt let that stop me, i still exercised and still smiled..
today i woke up, wasnt hungry at all, but walked into the kitchen and stuffed myself till i could eat no more. then at lunch i ate a LOT (& i'm not exagerating) !
i kept eating and eating, then going and sitting in bathroom, and crying for a good 10 minutes. i have so many emotions inside me, i dont know why.
i looked at my sis today, and i could see her hipbones, and she was saying how she doesnt like them. i felt like crying there and then, she gets everything, and i dont. i've been really off with her, she doesnt understand why, i dont either
i'm just in such a bad mood.
i really hate myself, i am such a crappy shit human being. i am actually a waste of oxygen.
i just want to be perfect but dont know how to do it
i meant i know what to do, but how, why am i the only one incapable of losing stupid weight? i just, i dunno, i've been doing this to long. hovering between 120 and 140 but never getting to a low weight.
i actually dont think i've hit the twenties in a year and a half.
last year i hit the thirties and thanx to bulimia i made it to the 50s. now am at the 40s tryna get back down to the 30s then the 20s :'(
nomatter how much i try and say i'm happy as i am now, this feeling will only go away when i'm perfect, which is never, so i will probably always feel like this. i dotn like this feeling.
i actually hate the image of myself in the morror, i fel sick looking at myself. this is what triggered me to cutting myself exactly a year ago. last year over christmas was the worst time i think i've ever gone through in my whole entire life, i started cutting & was cutting everyday, and felt so alone and depressed, this year i know i can blog and i have people who i can let it all out to, i couldnt do this last year.
so thankyou!
hopefully i my next blog is a better much happier one :/
i just want to be perfect
.
x
progress
Just remember that this crappy feeling is only temporary. You will feel better, you will be happy, you will get to where you want to get.
ReplyDeleteEveryone thinks that weight loss is easy - usually the people who think that have never had issues with their weight, body, or food. So what they think really doesn't matter! This is a battle, we are fighting to better ourselves. The world is full of obese and over weight people, you go to a resturant and the portion that you get served is enough for two people... This is hard. Keep your chin up and keep on fighting.
xo
SBB is right, weightloss isn't easy but it can be done. I'm glad you're not cutting, because you know we are here for you! And also, fuck your sister. No offense or anything but she sounds like a bitch. Miss "Oh I don't like my hipbones", but she eats like a bird to keep them. As up and down in weight as you have been, she knows at the very least that you are highly self conscious. She thinks she's better or something, so prove her wrong. Get your own hip bones, and when she whines about hers you'll be able to say "oh well I quite fancy mine."
ReplyDeleteStay strong babe, I'm with you 100%.
XOXO,
Scarlet <3
Omg! My friend says the same thing about her collarbones! How can they have those things that we'd kill for and not even like them?!
ReplyDeleteI hope you'll feel better soon, love. *hugs*
Wow, I feel like I could have written this post I relate to it so much. I really sympathize with you. You may not believe it, but you are not worthless. And everyone has trouble losing weight, its not just you. Sometimes I'll spend hours standing in front of the mirror hating myself, I know how hard it is to pull yourself away, but just try to distract yourself in any way possible when you feel these feelings start to creep up on you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better darling <3333