i feel so.. umm.. whats the word.. umm..bleughrr!
like life's just moving on without me.
i feel so disorganised. my mind is all over the place. i haven't blogged in nearly a week. i haven't exercised in nearly a week. i feel soo .. i actually don't know how to explain how i feel.
i'm not depressed.
i feel happy
but not happy.
weird.
i have so much coursework to do
now i'm on the computer, i feel so guilty.
i really should be doing my work, i hate rushing to do it at the last minute.
worst thing is, i've been on the computer for like 5 hours now
doing nothing.
actually i've been, taking facebook quizes.. u know the ones..
"find out how stupid you are"...."welldone, you are 56.67% stupid"
pointless things. i don't know why i waste my time.
i could have done something else..
just like i could have not eaten that chocolate bar..
or drank that hot chocolate..
i don't know why i do somethings, and don't do others.
i feel out of control.
for the past week i've been eating 1000 cals or less.
however, i've developed a bad habit.
i've not been eating breakfast or lunch. then when i get home from school at around 4:00pm, i'll eat something of about 300cals.. normaly a sandwich.
then dinner about 500-600 cals.
so most definetly, there's a party in my body and every single calorie is stored up. :(
the reason i don't eat during the day because i'm so selfconsious about my stomach buldging out. i like to know my tummy's flat and not worry about it buldging.
i dunno, its a stupid idea, but all my friends are sooo skinny. :(
i ussually do about 60situps before going school. feeling the muscles ache through out the day sort of makes me tense my stomach.
:/
hmph!
so plan for next week... dunno.
because normally i plan, fail, cry, binge, plan, fail, cry, binge...
so figured... i'll DO IT, then BLOG IT.
i have so much more to blog, about non food related things in my life..
but now i have to go watch Xfactor.
haha =D
love ya guys
x
Keep your head up girl, we love you :)
ReplyDeletebreak the cycle then! I know you can. Maybe try eating fruit in the morning at least. I dunno.
ReplyDeletechin up
you sound really manic right now i hope you are ok :) stay awesome
ReplyDeletehi, im a newbie to blogging,and was just passing thru so thought id say hi :)
ReplyDeletei know how you feel, as far as coursework goes at least, todays a really unmotivated day for me too.. just think tho, exams *if thats wot ur coursework is for..?* will be over in no time :) and dont worry, everyone has off days.. tomorrows a new day, seize it :)
much love~
Stay happy-ish. That's the most important thing. I totally understand your reason for not eating breakfast or lunch then eating a lot later... I'm the very same way. But we can change! Let's do it!
ReplyDeleteI do the exact same thing, (dont eat in the day) but my evening usually ends in a bin ge cause by then im so bloody hungry.
ReplyDeleteThen on my days off work i eat loads, i might even look for an evening job too..
Stay strong
xxx
Hey, staying happy at all is important! I know how you feel with the coursework and life going on w/o you. Sometimes i think i'm so preoccupied w/ weight that i can't enjoy the rest of mi life. IDK, it's just something we all have to deal with and just do the best we can! Stay strong!
ReplyDelete